Here again..

Here is a small, social experiment I felt I needed to dive into.

I forgot what it's like to free flow. Free-write.  Everything has become so convoluted and shortened in my head that I no longer take the time to write things out.  To express my thoughts and how I feel.  Sure, I think to myself every day.  But not in the way I used to as a teenager.  Writing my thoughts out to my livejournal.... to myself, to the small group of friends who knew my inner secrets.  It's funny how similar I write like before, but it's been so long.

This is just a test.

I forgot what it's like to breathe my own air and create my own space.  Living in a dream-like world I created for myself.  I missed movies. I missed film.  The sweet escape of leaving your world and diving into another.  Feeling a little less for a little time more.  I forgot how important movies were to me.  I forgot how much I loved writing.  It lets me travel into another world of myself.  When I was younger, I thought I would be able to dive so much deeper than my words.  Today...I feel it's all I have.

I have been thinking a lot since Shepherd's passing.  It has left a profound sadness in my life...and one that I cannot fully understand.  As a month has passed, it makes me sad to think that it is something we move forward with.  I know that such is life...but, isn't it sad?  I wish I could travel backwards and say hi to him again.  I wish I could see grillson again.  It's a strange feeling knowing that this certain light won't ever turn on again for you the way it had before.  To think... just one campout ago, I met grillson at the pit.  And now, those texts I send won't ever be responded to. 

Another string of thoughts that has been on my mind is Joseph and campout and the difference a year makes.  One year ago, stumbling upon my very first campout, I went with someone who I couldn't truly be myself.  I hid him from all of my friends and I hid from the truth.  This year, all I could think about was how happy I was to be with somene I actually love and am happy to be with and proud to stand next to.  I saw Joseph there and felt very sad for him. 

This was only a test

(no subject)

This is cool because this is how I see things right now.
Papertissue is the most legit thing in the universe

Hehehehe :)

This is how music sounds to me right now:

Dis one makes me extra happy

This one tickles me too

And this makes my heart so happy you wouldn't believe it! Pooh and I are homies for life.

This one that I found made me laugh supa hard because I was soo angry at mister reindeer man after he broke my heart and I took away his reindeer ears! And then I found funny hehe >:)

But in the end...this is all we really want, isn't it?

This guy reminds me that it's cool to be alive & to be a tree

This is kayt & I

All of these just make my heart happy

Goodnight moon

(no subject)

This will be short because its intermission of hairspray, but I've come to the realization...if I think nick is soo perfect, then why aren't I sooo perfect to him. There's someone out there that will think I am perfect, and I back.....and that will be love

(no subject)

I am sad.

I have been sick for almost a week now, and no one calls me to see how I am doing, no one stops by to say hi or give me a hug and tell me to get better. Nobody seems to care. The one person who does care, I missed his phonecall last night.

Nobody calls, nobody visits.

(no subject)

I really, REALLY like maddy being here. I don`t want her to go home.
Yesterday we went to Pier 39 and got lunch and ice cream, and we went in a photobooth and we went shopping. God life is nice. We went with Araceli n Adrienne, it was pretty.

PIER 39Collapse )

(no subject)

you may not know.

but currently im with my best friend listening to brand new, & in less than 17 hours i will be seeing them, live. & we will probably be crying, & we will probably be sweating and dancing, but life is so god damn beautiful right now.

(no subject)

ps i need hair cut ideas!!! seriously, im so bad at deciding what to do. i have a thought of what i want, i want it thinner and nicer than it is. right now it seriously looks like shit &im really annoyed.

help pleaaaaaaaaaaaase

(no subject)

There is that split second in life when life is perfect and not a thing can go wrong. There is not a single flaw near. You cry you laugh you smile but it is just content, just life, just perfect.

&I am certain I witnessed this more than once